Knowledge is Power...How to be a Collegiate Competitor with Guest Coach Christy Thomaskutty

Today's Play:
Join us as our guest shares her firsthand experiences with the challenges college coaches face, especially the impact of parents’ unrealistic expectations on athletes’ development. Discover the importance of parental support for children’s growth and character development, along with the necessity for open communication between coaches and athletes. We also highlight the value of embracing failure as a chance for improvement.

Today's Coach:
Christy Thomaskutty is an analyst for ESPN covering sports across their basketball platform.  Prior to that, she coached college basketball for 19 years in both Division I and III and also served as the Vice President of the Women's Basketball Coaches Association (WBCA).  In college, she was a standout on the Tulane University women's basketball team where she ranked fifth all-time in Division I history for career three-point field goals and was honored as the national female winner of the Arthur Ashe Jr. Sports Scholar award. 

To learn more about Bryant College Coaching, and download our new e-book, click here or go to www.bryantcollegecoaching.com

Picking Teams: A Playbook for Parents is produced by: Amy Bryant and Sasha Melamud

Facebook| Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | Linkedin

Transcript

Amy Bryant: 0:00

Amy Bryant, welcome to picking teams a podcast that dives into the playbooks of seasoned coaches. I'm your host. Amy Bryant, a 23 year veteran college coach, and my guests hail from the professional college and youth ranks. Together, we'll share real stories from our coaching experiences to empower you as parents to be positive forces in your child's sports journey. Our guest today is Christy Thomas Cuddy Christy is an analyst for ESPN, covering sports across their basketball platform. Prior to that, she coached college basketball for 19 years in both division one and three, and also served as the vice president of the Women's Basketball Coaches Association in college, she was a standout on the Tulane University women's basketball team, where she ranked fifth all time in Division One history for career three point field goals, and was honored as the national female winner of the Arthur Ashe Junior sports Scholar Award. Well, how are

Christy Thomaskutty: 1:15

I'm good. I'm good. You know, honestly, it's I enjoy this time of year, you know, like we never had an off season. And so that's the biggest thing. From April until October, I just, I'm house CEO, you know, I do things to take things off next flight so you can just work. And I love it, you know. And then I grind, you know, obviously October on. But I love this time of year, minus the heat. I love the summer year.

Amy Bryant: 1:41

I feel like that's the way it was for us when we were coaching, though a little bit. I mean, yeah, we had to do recruiting, but just at least when we weren't with the team. I mean, I always felt like I was bored.

Unknown: 1:53

Yeah, I think what was hard in basketball is we have I guess I felt that way. Maybe April, May a little bit. But then it was getting ready for camps. Camps ended, and it was recruiting, and then returning in and I had the Elite Camp, and then it was school started, and so that, I guess that's where I feel like I actually had summer time. Yeah,

Amy Bryant: 2:16

so I think my downtime when I got bored was after the fall season, before the spring season, because there we had already done recruiting like we were already done. We did it in the summer. Yeah, you got the holiday Yeah you never got the holiday. That's it. That was the difference. You're right. You're right. So tell me what you experienced this off season.

Unknown: 2:39

What I experienced this offseason in basketball was parents getting greedy regarding nio happy where they are, but parents seeing what other and then forcing kids into a portal they didn't want it. So I mean, I think that's another piece of it as well, of what is the end game for a parent with their child like, don't be wrong. I'm not saying they don't deserve it, but at some point a kids educate like, this is a kid gotten to MBA school. Uh huh, happy starting her her skill set fits the system, and dad thinks she should get money like, like Caitlin Clark. You know that's the guy thinks they should be getting Caitlin Clark money. She's once in a lifetime in Williamsport, right? You know? And I'm not saying lifeline, but it's going to be decade or so again, and we've got kids across sports whose parents think they should get, be getting paid that way. And it's TV, it's TV and all those it's social media presence, it's a lot of things that parents just don't understand, but they think their kids should be their bank

Amy Bryant: 3:45

Exactly, exactly, and they're missing all of the important aspects, like all of the reasons that we play sports. They're they're totally chasing the green versus chasing what are the values we're teaching our children? Like, what is this for?

Unknown: 4:01

What's not and Amy, my biggest thing right now is where we are in collegiate athletics. We're not going to have good coaches left, because the way it's set is for at least in the division one space. Right now it's set up for those coaches who are happy. Go grab kids that aren't. They're not culture kids. They're let me win now and focus on me. And that's my biggest concern. For college sports, we're not going to have the impact coaches left because they're not going to be successful, and they know it's not worth it, like we're seeing on the women's basketball side. So many of the veteran coaches are out because they're like, this is not what we signed up for Portal and il all that stuff, and now you got these kids, these younger people, who are just they're transactional.

Amy Bryant: 4:47

That's really fascinating, because in the coaching side, the other piece of that is the coaches that are doing what's best for these kids, holding them accountable, seeking to Team expectations, building a positive team culture, all of these things, they're getting in trouble by the unhappy kids and their parents that are pushing their own agenda, and administrators don't want any noise, yep, especially from the Women's Sports space, absolutely. So they're willing, and more than happy to fire any of these coaches that are standing up for the bigger things, because it's easier to get rid of that well, and

Unknown: 5:41

again, I mean, especially at a division three, we're not getting paid much, it is easy. Like, I'm seeing more and more, like, look at the UA women's side. There's four coaches that'll be new next year at women's basketball. I think in my entire 14 years, we had four coaches changed. And this is one cycle. And you know, I always said, our administrators, what are you doing to support our women's coaches, because you're not going to have them. So you can't talk out of both sides your mouth, but you want these positive role models for these young women, and you're not doing the things to support them, and you know, and to your point about this, you know, this legislation going through, that's where I'm like, Hey, parents, our Olympic sports may not be there. At the division one level, those scholarships will not be there. So all this money you're investing to get them a scholarship, you may be better off putting it into an account to pay for tuition, and your child will probably be better off long term. Yeah,

Amy Bryant: 6:33

I mean 100% and we talked about this with one my other guests on the show, it's like you can't go into sports thinking there's going to be some sort of payoff. You go into sports because you want to teach your kid valuable lessons about life. You want to keep your kid out of trouble. I mean, sports keep kids out of trouble, right? And keep them engaged. They're after school activities, they're healthy. They're so many great aspects to sports, but the second that you start doing it for the wrong reasons is the second you start, you know, going crazy. See these crazy parents.

Unknown: 7:07

Oh, I again, it is. That's what I say. Like this, the club space is broke. Yeah, we can blame coaches, but it's the parents who are paying astronomical things, who are getting their kids to play year round for because this coach says it, and again, I'm talking the basketball space, and these kids are getting hurt, or they suck at the national exposure time because they're exhausted. And I'm like, where's the parents in this?

Amy Bryant: 7:34

What? What advice do you have for parents? I mean, what would you say to parents right now if you had, after all of your years of experience coaching, right? And now you're seeing things from a different lens, right? You get to be kind of an outsider slash insider. You're not necessarily coaching anymore, but you're seeing all of these female coaches and these extraordinary athletes perform, and you're you're witnessing team culture unfold in front of you. So what's your biggest piece of advice for parents?

Unknown: 8:06

I think it is about what I think what every parent. And I'm not a parent, obviously, but Emma and I have been around young children, and it's like you what you want for them when they're adults. That should be the endgame, in my mind, for any parent, what do you want your child to portray when they are 2223 years old? I have always believed athletics is a is a vehicle to raise kids, meaning it gives them the social skills, the survival skills, their personal skills, and it just teaches them to be a part of a team. Again, I work for ESPN now I can tell you everybody on our crew who played college athletics and who didn't based on how they interact, how they handle stressful situations, how they communicate during those stressful times, and how they engage with one another and empower one another. It is a skill that you don't just get. It is through the hard times. It is through grinding with your teammates, getting up, sacrificing. That's what athletics should give young people, not a trophy, not a scholarship. So for me, it's not the end game of the notoriety. It is, to me, a parent, when they look at their child at 2223 are they proud of the young person that they have helped mold along with the people that they brought into their life, or that coaches, college coaches, club coaches. That's to me, what a parent should really be focusing on, not the scholarship, not the collegiate awards, not the NIO money. It should be that end game. And this is societal problem. Now it is about now. It is not about the grind. It is not about what my goal is and what do I need to do to get there. It is about right now, and that's where I feel like our parents need to help support our young people and understanding failure is part of life. It is that next moment that will define you. It is that next moment that helps you grow into the outstanding person you should be does not define you. But I feel like parents right now want to protect their kids from failure, and that's not helping us. That's not helping them.

Amy Bryant: 10:17

And one thing that I see when parents are protecting their kids from failure is a lot of pointing fingers at coaches, like it's the coach's fault that my child is feeling that way. And what are your thoughts on that?

Unknown: 10:30

Well, yeah, I remember feeling this way when I was at Emory, like so many times, I was the first person to hold this young woman accountable, which made me the bad guy on so many levels. But yet, my job is to develop chemistry on a team, to have a culture, and that's where parents have to understand, you know. And I'll speak from an SEC coaches perspective. Now there are staff, not just assistant coaches, but grad assistants, media member everything else is probably about 15 people deep. And the best coaches right now are the ones that aren't just managing inputting time into their kids. It's also those staff rooms, because those staff members have so much contact with those kids, and so when I say that, I always say this on air, nobody understands what a coach goes through on a daily basis. No idea, especially a female coach, because of how they take it personal, that kids fee on a test affects a coach because they want more for them, and they're trying to figure out how to help them that mislay it, that mis free throw is personal that coach because they feel like they failed them yet at the same time, a parent, I think first thing, because they're not in practice. And that's one challenge, or one thing I say to every parent before they complain about a coach. Are you in practice every day? Because if you're not in practice every day, you don't know how your child, I should say young person, is responding to that. And those are the decisions no coach wants to lose. And no, it's easy for a parent to think it's personal. And I'm not saying it's not always, but from my experience of sitting in practice now it's not not that. I'm saying it is about, what can your child, young person, do to help your team be successful? And that is, how are you responding in practice during difficult situations, as matchups, everything else, and that's where it's easy for anything, any parent to sit there who hasn't watched the film, who hasn't gone through the analytics, who doesn't know match ups, to say, my kids should be playing well, no, at some point when you are so excited on signing day about your young person signing with this school, that's also your leap of faith to support If you want your child to be happy, and that's what I see a lot right now, is parents because they think they're doing what's best for their child, they're also putting the child between the coaching staff and the parents, and that puts the kid in a losing situation. And that is one thing that should never handle. Well, I don't care if it's a code for a parent, you're both there to help elevate that young person. There's so much mental health issues out there right now, and I see that as something that parents can do to help support their child, instead of where I know a parent's coming at it from a good perspective. They think they're helping and trying to support but what you're doing is putting your young person in the middle and causing doubts when in college athletics, or any athletics, it should be about confidence. I

Amy Bryant: 13:30

100% agree with so many things, and there are so many, so many examples kind of came flooding back to my mind from when I was coaching, I used to come home and I never left work at work, right? It was always with me, and that's what you're saying when you're saying that people don't understand what coaches go through. I remember vividly I would have to go to yoga on Mondays, and that was a time that I had set aside to work through my anxiety about one particular student athlete and how she was partying too much, and I was very worried about the path that she was going down and how that would impact her life and her future. And I was also worried about how it would impact our team, because she was an integral part of our success, but I was really just worried about her. And it took me, you know, an hour of yoga, and I still would sit there after yoga and worry, you know, I could never get it off my mind. It didn't matter what I did. I could never shut it down. You know, that's just one example for me, but, but to get back to your point about, you know, parents and the doubt they're causing in their child's mind, or their young person's mind, that, to me, is the single source, or the inability for a young person to Excel or to improve, because if they're receiving that doubt from their parents and they're frustrated On the court. There's no way for them to climb out of that. You know what? I mean? It's like it's weighing them down too much. It conversely what a parent can do there if they come home, or they get on the phone with their parent, or they text their parent and they start complaining about something that they're frustrated about at practice, or way a coach talk to them, or whatever it is, and the parent says, work it out, talk to your coach about it in a positive, productive manner. Communicate with your coach, not your coach is wrong, or your coach should never be doing that, or you are better than that. Any of that causes self doubt, but that simple advice to your kid to communicate productively and positively with your coach can solve so many problems.

Unknown: 15:48

I remember as a freshman in college calling home, complaining about my head coach, and it was like week two of practice, and my dad said, you want to come home? And I said, Yes. He said, Okay, you got to figure out a way to pay for your education, and that was all he said. And he said, Do you want to come home? I said, No, he said. I He said, I advise you to talk to your coach. And that was the end of that discussion. And it's funny, I had some friends who had young kids over at the house last week over the holiday, and they were talking about how her daughter got moved up to an older club group in soccer, played around a position, and they're really frustrated because the kid was playing on the younger group and there was no communication. And the mom's like, you know, we don't ever talk to the coaches. We don't want to be those parents. And I said, Well, I think there's a difference between being those parents and encouraging said daughter to ask the coach why what she should do, I said it's still about life skills. She doesn't need to sit there frustrated and to see your frustration, I think that's another piece for parents. You're not a verbal say as much as your verbal say to your young person. And so to be aware of that, you know, I see parents in the stands all the time, and their body language screams negativity about what's going on the floor. And, you know, again, my parents are from India, and I my mom, who did not, who knew nothing about basketball, sitting up in the sands quiet and just cheering. And that's what I wish I decided to get back to. We cheer for our thing. There's no booing. There's no young at coaches. And I'm young kids or opponents. It's just supporting your person. And I know that's a nine stance. I know we are so far beyond that, but I do, I don't think parents understand that part of it too, of what their young person sees from them, from a non verbal perspective, and how that affects them.

Amy Bryant: 17:46

Nor do I think that parents truly appreciate how hurtful it is to a coach to see that I can very vividly recount two encounters that I had with parents that were non verbal encounters where I went up and was as professional as could be to the parent. Hey, great to see you. Thanks so much for coming to support and I received the cold shoulder cold as ice look right through me. No, hello, certainly no. Thank you for everything you're doing for my daughter. In one of the situations, it was because I didn't play the daughter in singles. In another situation, it was because the daughter didn't play and it was her last conference tournament always centers around playing time, and in both cases, I remember, again very vividly, the feeling that I had where it was like, almost like a dagger to my heart, like I just remember feeling so hurt in no other area of my life had I ever encountered that kind of like venom and that kind of hatred, it just felt awful, and all I was doing was believing in their kid and wanting the best for their kid and doing what's best for the team, certainly not putting their their child Number One. Nobody on my team was number one. But you know, these parents couldn't see past that.

Unknown: 19:27

I do think one part a byproduct of all this are parents who have so much money in where they think their child should get, and that is to a scholarship. Once they get to that scholarship, it's then the problem is that I think really goes. Coach, college coaching, especially, is a have invested money. You're supposed to deliver what their expectation is, and that's not the expectation or, nor should it be for college athletics, if you want be successful. I mean, Amy, and that's the part for me that I don't know what switches in some parents from the Signing Day to where, all of a sudden, the expectation is so much different once their child gets on campus. That's why I say so much about Are you watching practices, or is it only hearing when your child reports in, because that's going to be very, very one sided. You know, I have a lot of coaching friends now who, and I think Dawn says a great example of this, who has a zoom with all her parents and talks to them, so every parent is hearing the same message. And again, we're talking about one of the greatest basketball coaches now of our generation, and she has said it's what I have to do to keep everybody on the same page, she said, but I can do that because I'm also having a lot of these conversations with players, and I think that's what's hard too, is the number of coaches who can't have a one on one anymore because of how it's internalized. And that's another thing if I was a parent I would advise my young person to do is, when you go to talk to your coach, listen, don't be, don't be already thinking about your response or your next question. Listen, because those I mean, I still think about some of the conversations I had with my college coach and how impactful that was to me, because it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear, but it's what I needed to hear. And that's the other piece now, and this is what's hard, is the amount of money involved in athletics. Yet we know Studies show that the cognitive development of our young people is much slower than what it used to be, and so now we're forcing and we're putting even more responsibility on these young people to handle things, and they're not ready for it, and therefore parents jump in to protect their child and they don't have the information. And that's what I always say whether, whether I was coaching and recruiting or not, knowledge is power, and that's why I'm always about communicate. Talk to your coach, talk to whichever coach you're working with, then make sure you're talking to the head coach. And that's what for any young person you're not playing. What do you need to do? What's the area now, that doesn't mean you're going to play the next game, but it does put it in the coach's mind of, hey, this kid's not just sitting there, you know. Do they see you in the gym, on the court, working on witnesses? Or is it just a matter of you think practice is enough? That's the number one lesson right now. Practice is not enough for if you want to be a high achieving athlete, showing up to practice is not enough. I'll also tell you, just working with a trainer is not enough. Playing competing is the way to get better, and that means failing if you're going to compete, that means embracing the failure, and maybe the next time you're going to fail, a given maybe not as much. As much, but you got to compete. And this is where I think sometimes, whether it's club coaches or parents, they want to put their kids in this bubble.

Amy Bryant: 23:32

I totally agree with you. I mean, you're so right. We have to show our young people and parents. You have to show your children how to communicate with their coaches so they can manage failure in a positive and productive manner. Christy, thanks so much for being here today. Shared so many great insights with our families. We're definitely going to have to have you back on the show again soon. Thanks for tuning in for today's play join us next time to hear more insights from another outstanding coach. Until then, remember, as you navigate the ups and downs of your child's sports journey, you're not just picking teams, You're building character, fostering resilience and creating lifelong Memories.